$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
