She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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