with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You left your phone here
Wait...
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