I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
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