I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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