You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
