We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
