I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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