and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
