I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
