He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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