Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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