She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
