drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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