I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
