Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
