1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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