You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
