i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
now i know why i became what i already was.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
