A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
