Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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