Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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