Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
