Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
