Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
are you so shy because you have an std?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
