i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
