he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
