I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
