all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize