you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
