Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
