I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
