After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I see more hoeing in ur future
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