Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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