hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
