do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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