yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
