too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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