youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
