Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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