My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
