are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
