MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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