We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
