I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
