I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
