Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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