somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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