highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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