the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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