My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
