Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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