Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
