I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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