And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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