I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
