I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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