The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
