So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
