it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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