I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
