I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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