well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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