I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize