she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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