She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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