If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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