Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
