sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
