That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
