I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
