some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
