I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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