i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
