I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i dont even know how to be here
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
