Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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